Crocodile Rock
by Translation Hell
Summary: Chrom walks in on King K. Rool masturbating and inevitably wishes he didn't.


Chrom dropped the picture he held in his right hand onto the wooden floor of the dorm. He had neglected to knock the front door before he opened it, as he wasn't thinking of King K. Rool's privacy, and certainly wasn't thinking of the potential consequences it could have on his mental state.

The man was gifted with a perfect side view of K. Rool stroking his dong on his rundown couch, staring unblinkingly at the CRT television that was set up. His arm was moving much quicker than he'd ever shown on the battlefield, and he was letting out continuous deep grunts and sighs, as if he were sore. His lights were off and the blinds were closed, so the only things making him visible were the hallway light and the subtle pinkish glow coming from the TV.

Chrom stared at the repugnant scene for a couple moments before coming to his senses. He was about to shut the door and slip away, but then the other king turned his head to him, his expression unchanging. His arm's repetitive movement wasn't slowing one bit.

"Hey... I see you're... pretty busy right now..." Chrom murmured, red in the face. He lifted an uncomfortable hand and pointed over his own shoulder, towards the hall. "I had something I wanted to tell you, but I think it's best if I-"

"No, get in here, tell me now. But make it quick, like you said, I'm busy!"

King K. Rool nonchalantly turned back towards the screen and continued violently stroking himself.

Chrom _really_ didn't want to talk to him as he was, but he felt there was no going back. He shut the door behind him and quickly crouched to pick up the picture.

"What did you want to tell me, primate?"

The Lord looked down at the photo he held.

_"Banjo-Kazooie are raring to go!"_

Reluctantly, he tossed it over to him. It landed on his lap and he glanced down at it for a couple moments then spoke. "Is this all?"

"I-I figured you should've been celebrating with the rest of us. You have a lot of reason to be excited for their announcement, considering the Rare connection, so I thought maybe you missed the annou-"

"I filmed the trailer with him, you buffoon!"

He groaned and flicked his free wrist at his guest, telling him to leave. Chrom winced uncomfortably.

"S-Sure, but... are you not excited? Wouldn't it be better to join everybody else for the announcement party instead of doing... that?"

The crocodile sighed with resentment. "I _was_ glad that bear got in initially, but then the little bastard betrayed me! He promised he wouldn't use his Final Smash on me during the trailer, but then...! _THEN!_ You saw the trailer, you know what happened. It hurt more than a single thing the big monkey's ever done to me! I'm a full-blown supporter of Minecraft Steve now, fuck Banjo." He didn't quit masturbating once through his monologue.

"...Right... well, have fun with... that." Chrom didn't process a single thing that he heard, and was about to try to leave once again, but then he caught a glimpse of what K. Rool had playing on his television.

"Is that... is that Jigglypuff?"

"Yes."

The balloon Pokemon wasn't doing anything remotely sexual on the recording. She was simply singing on an outdoor stage for a small audience, wearing a red bow. The footage was taken from an awkward angle and partially obscured by foliage on the edges of the frame. Chrom narrowed his eyes.

"A-Are you telling me you're pleasuring yourself to _this_?"

"Yes."

"...How? She's a pink ball-"

"Just take a look at her curves!" K. Rool gestured towards the TV, the wet sound of the lubricant he used getting louder.

He did as he was instructed and looked harder at the screen.

"...Her entire body is perfectly round!"

"Exactly!"

"But then how-"

"What, would you rather have me jack it to somebody more conventionally attractive like Sumia!?"

Chrom put a hand over his face and shook his head, embarrassed and offended by the reptile's conduct. "I-I don't have time to argue with you about this. Lucina's waiting for me, I... just, whatever, keep doing your... thing. I'll pretend this never happened and pray to the Gods for a memory wipe." He then quickly walked towards the door, not caring about retrieving the card after it's been in such close proximity to his (probably unwashed) penis.

King K. Rool huffed as he left and continued on his quest. "Yeah, you would _love_ to rest on this superheavy, wouldn't you, you puffy little slut..."


End file.
